Moms Moving On by Michelle Dempsey-Multack

Author:Michelle Dempsey-Multack
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: S&S/Simon Element
Published: 2022-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries are crucial. It will be damn near impossible to move on when you and your ex find yourselves in the same physical space time after time. Think of these as the moat around your castle—feel free to fill that moat with alligators if need be.

Physical boundaries protect you from certain tricky co-parenting situations, like exchanges of the children. In many cases, there are co-parents who aren’t ready to be in one another’s space. It could be that one parent is nervous about having the other parent in their home, or they aren’t ready to enter the ex-spouse’s new home for one reason or another. A woman I know had an ex-husband who, when he came to pick up the kids, would often invite himself inside, make himself a sandwich, and sit at the kitchen table they once shared as a couple. This would make her skin crawl. He was unpredictable in the sense that some days he was friendly and amicable, and other days he would refuse to leave when it was time. She even once found him snooping through her mail. Fortunately, I was able to help this client draw an important line in the sand that clearly specified how exchanges were to happen from that moment on. Her ex waited in the car as Mom got the kids ready to go and walked them outside. She had to add this clause to her parenting plan in order to enforce it, but found it well worth the effort to do so.

Speaking of physical boundaries, one thing not to accept or ignore as you’re learning to cope with your ex’s emotional hate? Physical abuse. If you suffered physical abuse at the hands of your partner or soon-to-be ex, this isn’t the kind of behavior you can brush under the rug and assume will dissipate. This is absolutely an issue to discuss with your attorney, especially if you believe your children could be in harm’s way when alone with him. There are many ways to allow your ex to have time with the children in a safe, controlled environment while still ensuring their physical safety is a top priority. Don’t shy away from bringing this up!

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